Ok boys. I dare you to read this. This is going to be as uncomfortable as trying to find super absorbency tampons in the Ladies section of the drug store. Deal with it. We have let you fondle our boobs like a college boy, woken up with a thing sticking in our back and tried our best to enjoy your drunken sex when you’ve been out with the boys and you slurring…..”yeeeerrrr so pppretttyyyy”…… Oh Lord. ( Yes we still love you). SO a return favour of all that and for all women. Read this.
Okay. SO let me try to explain to you what it feels like to be hormonal and losing your shit when you have no explanation why. Imagine looking at a pencil and you keep looking at it and then it makes you so angry and you don’t know why and you hate that pencil and you want to snap it. Like your neck. Just kidding. Still love you.
Imagine being this great sexual being, and feeling like you have your groove on and then nothing. Nada. Yup….you can yell into that cavern and you will hear an echo I am sure. Knock knock. Hello Vagina. Wake up for god’s sake. I tried watching the Bachelorette, oh gosh Chase, Jordan, Luc ..these gorgeous Meat puppets…..C’mon girl…….these guys are 27 years old…..anything?? Nope. The only thing that was stirring during this show was me and my martini.
So let me get this straight Miss Menopause…you make me fat, you make me lose sleep, I cry at the drop of a hat, I want to kill everyone and now you the only excitement I feel is when Netflix asks me …”Are you still there?”…..well at least you care about me Netflix so thank you.
Coping with this is like someone saying to me for the millionth time….wow lucky you working only 4 hrs a day……yes you’re right 4 (sometimes 8 hours like this week)…… so imagine driving for 4 hrs straight in a snow storm, with your nagging spouse and screaming kids and you have to pee….that is what it feels like doing a radio show when your hormones are going into overdrive……but you’ve heard my show…don’t I sound happy???!!! Ya I’m that good. Oh man do I dig deep. You have no idea some days. I put every bit of positive energy into this show so you don’t have to cope with my crap lol.
But then there is the poor people outside radio. Lol…….I recommend just duck, Hide. Change your number. Run as fast as you can.
If you want me to be real about this and serious for a moment. Here we go.
I am terrified. I feel my youth of my 30’s and 40’s slip through my fingers. I feel my desirability go by the wayside. Young men don’t look at me anymore, heck even ones my age lol. I am terrified of being replaced in radio, by a young hot relate-able girl with her whole career ahead of her. I was that girl once.
Now don’t worry it’s not a full on pity party, I am blessed to have my health and be a strong girl…..
and maybe it’s a chick thing, but it sure does feel isolating and lonely going through it.
I come across as confident as shit on my show and on social media. But in truth…….I feel like I am clinging to a cliff…albeit with perfectly manicured nails. Let’s not lose our minds completely here. I can be falling apart and still look good doing it : )))
So as I spray tan to cover the cellulite, Cover the grey hair…..and invest in more Spanx to flatten this belly I salute you women who got through it like a warrior.
If you need to find me I’ll be watching Netflix with some peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.
If you have a problem with that then @#$$ off. Kidding. Still Love You.